Everyone Could Use a Little Healing
I am so happy people are speaking up about sexual harassment and the #METOO movement. It’s about time. I just found a statistic published by the National Sexual Violence Resource Center that one in five women will be raped in their lifetime. I actually think the number is much higher. I was sitting around a table with four women some time ago and EVERYONE of us had been sexually assaulted. That was 100% of the mom’s drinking coffee at the table. What? It is so prevalent in our society today. I know very few women who have NOT been raped.
My Story
I have experienced sexual inappropriateness three times in my life. The worst was a friend of my uncle who took me to his parent’s house (who, much to my surprise, weren’t home) and then, raped me. I had to stay the night and just endure the situation because we were in the mountains outside of Boulder and I had no idea where I was. I did not drive myself there and couldn’t think of someone who would come rescue me.
I ran into this man years later in Boulder. Before my mind could connect the face with the experience, my eyes gushed with tears. I was sobbing all of the sudden right in front of my little children. Seeing him again started a process of healing which took me months to move through.
Sexual harassment is even more common. According to Atlantic Training, 81% of women have been sexually harassed at work.
These experiences of assault and harassment have a long-lasting effect on our lives. We tuck them deep in our mind or heart. They play out in sneaky ways throughout our lives, often wreaking havoc on our relationships or confidence.
Heal Thyself with a Little Help
We need to heal these wounds. The truth is that throughout our life we have made the best decisions we could, given the information we had available at the time. We are always doing our best, even when it is not in our best interest. Often, we just don’t recognize a better choice.
Looking back on the Boulder mountain rape, had I been a different person, perhaps I could have kept that from happening. I am a trusting and adventurous person who is always open to doing fun things with fun people. I wouldn’t want to be different from that. Unfortunately, I trusted the wrong person.
The Many Yous Meditation
I have spent a great deal of my life healing from the three situations where I felt out of control sexually. I have tried many modalities of healing including a monthly Reiki and acupuncture appointment with a loving team of healers. One of the most helpful things I have ever done is what I call the Many Yous Mediation. This simple meditation takes us to those moments in our life and helps us HOLD our self in love.
Activity:
Close your eyes and visualize a moving walkway, like the ones at the airport. This one has a slight incline. Now imagine all along this walkway there are a bunch of “yous” —each one represents a super significant moment in your life—they could be painful moments or glorious moments. Starting at the beginning of the “yous,” your youngest self, visualize yourself walking up to the youngest you. Give yourself a giant hug and Hold yourself in complete and total unconditional love. Whisper in your ear what you would have benefited from knowing or hearing at that moment.
Go through all the moments and hug/support all the younger “yous” who were just doing the best that you could at the time. If the moment was a great accomplishment or victory, recognize that and celebrate with yourself. If your experience was anything like mine, no one spent much time celebrating the magic moments of my life at the time they occurred. Often, we had no idea how important they were. Now is a great time to do this.
If the moment was one of great pain, love yourself even more and reassure yourself that you did your best with the information you had. Perhaps you need to hear that you had no fault in this. YOU did nothing wrong. Really love yourself and continue to hold yourself until you feel ready to let go. Then, move to the next you.
This exercise may take a while. If you don’t finish right now, do this over the course of the next couple weeks. This is an exercise in forgiving and embracing yourself for things we drag into our future and recognizing the glorious moments that made us who we are today.
I hope this helps. If you would like to work with me one-on-one, please call me at 303-881-0872 or email me at becky@beckyprater.com. Or you can book a session HERE.